Getting Some Things Off My Chest
I am writing this blog today a bit perplexed. I originally wanted to write something like my other blogs - you know, purely sexual. However, my life tends to go haywire at the strangest times and it can get pretty unpredictable. I thought about NOT writing this blog, but realized I have nothing to lose in getting my thoughts out, clearing my name, and just venting about something that really bothers me.
I really strive to always be positive. Happy. I see beauty in everything and every person and try not to let the small things drag me down. A few months ago I wrote a blog about being nice and not being a mean girl. Anyone who knows me knows this is who I am. This blog has a similar theme only it's directed to everyone reading it. Clients, women, men, no matter your gender, your sexuality, or your personality.
Okay Cassandra get to the point you say!
This week I found out I was the subject of a rather unsettling, disgusting rumour. I apparently was the last to know as it's been the talk of the town and the reason why I was no longer asked to participate in orgies with a very well known woman in this industry. Now let's be clear. I will not name this person. I will not slander another person. And I will never ever gossip about someone else. I am not here to ruin her, to hurt her, or to cause her problems. I merely want to tell everyone my side and also get my feelings out in the open.
What was this unsettling rumour? That I provide bareback services to my clients. In fact, one man in particular decided to tell a whole bunch of people that we engaged in this act and that I am "well known" for this service. He also claimed that we were in a relationship also. Funny, this was news to me!
Have I had unprotected sex before with someone with whom I was in a relationship? Of course I have. An intimate, trusting, monogamous relationship in my personal life. Who hasn't!?!
Unfortunately I do not know who this client is who said this. When I find out who said these falsehoods about me it won't be good. Although I don't usually hold grudges this kind of thing I absolutely do not tolerate lies about me. Why don't I know who he is? Because it's untrue. I don't know if he was even a client. Maybe another SW made it up. Maybe it was one of two clients I do not to see anymore because they continuously begged me for this particular service, tried to take advantage of me, and stalked and harassed me. I just don't know and I may never find out who started it.
So anyway, there I was the other evening. At an orgy. Supposed to be having fun. Learning this news from some people. And all I wanted to do was throw up. I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt betrayed. Most of all I felt hurt. I'm a good person and I didn't deserve this.
I asked some of my friends what I should do. They told me to confront the person. So I did. That didn't end well. So I festered some more, cried a little and wondered if I should just throw in the towel and quit this industry all together. What's the point? You do well, you get popular, someone is out there waiting to backstab you and tell lies that say your popularity is because you provide unsafe bareback services. Why else would someone be so popular right? FUCK THAT!!
I know that my ability to connect with men, my personality, and my honest, genuine emotion are what make me successful. It's why I have so many repeat clients and dates. Yes, I am in my Cassandra persona. But Cassandra is actually so much a part of me now, I can't fake my true personality and self when I am with a client. Also my hygiene and health are so very important to me! Not once in my life have I even experienced a yeast infection. Never! And I'm not implying anything negative towards people who have as I know it's common in the industry with soap, condoms, and allergies - but I just haven't. Anyone who has seen me knows this! I swear my doctor must think I am obsessed with him since I get tested every month! My sister is a nurse and always makes me overthink things so I get a bit crazy when I get a cold or sore throat and I assume the worst only to be told "you're fine". Haha.
Remember I wrote before how much I love doing this? I DO! You can't fake being genuine. You can't fake being an actual good person. You can't fake making connections with clients, remembering special things like birthdays or job promotions or their name and what they wear. I remember all these kind of things because I actually care and want to be a part of their life - a positive part! I want them to leave happy, feeling like they got way more than their money's worth.
I think what hurt me so much about this rumour is the people that believed it. They chose not to associate with me because of this so total fiction. They have left me feeling that at the end of the day, its not worth my time or effort to associate with them anyway. Plus, I am hearing about more and more girls who are being accused of these bareback rumours. When I confronted my good client about this rumour and what I should do, he told me the best advice out of anyone. He said stop feeling sorry for yourself, and MOVE ON. I laughed. He was right. I totally was just feeling sorry for myself.
That is the best advice I have ever received. So that is what I am choosing to do today! I realize people are going to gossip and talk. We can't escape that in this world, especially this industry. But I am definitely going to be more selective in who I let in to my little circle, who I trust and give my full love and attention to. And I am going to focus on people who stand by me despite gossip and innuendo.
There is nothing you can really do to "clear your name" when someone lies about you. What you CAN do is choose not to be a part of it. Positivity and kindness will always win. And if you can make any choice in life, I hope it is to be kind and never judge someone based on someone else's unsubstantiated opinion. You haven't walked in their shoes, you haven't lived their life, and you have no fricken idea what they are going through.
I've said this many times and will say so again - lets all just be kind to another.
Oh! And one more IMPORTANT thing: NO. I don't and will not do bareback with you. So don't even ask. Or try. Or plead. Or tell me how much you don't like condoms. It won't happen. Not with me. Not today, not ever. The next client to ever try that with me I will make sure everyone knows who you are and that you asked. It's unacceptable.