MY story to tell: How I was outed this year
It’s been such a long time that I’ve written a blog. In the last few months my life has changed drastically. My life as Cassandra Cox was exposed. In other words, I was outed. And not just outed- but humiliated. And when I say humiliated, I mean DEGRADED to the utmost.
Every part of me, all my intimate moments, every Terb review, all put on display for the wrong people to see. Let me explain.
You guys remember I grew up in a very strict Christian home right? Okay. You guys remember I was also married at the tender age of 19 because I became pregnant with another fellow Christian lad. I grew up with some of the most pretentious, judgemental people. I attended church and catechism and went to an all Dutch Christian reformed school. (If you’re bored? Google Christian reformed people. You will learn lots. Haha). Let’s not confuse the reformed with Amish or Mennonite either. Basically, my life growing up was in a bubble. It consisted of not being allowed to watch Disney movies because they were demonic and also not even allowed to listen to the radio. I always remember no one ever even smiled in church. Everyone was so angry! The gossip in that church was ridiculous. Shaming, shunning and ostracized if you didn’t follow the stupid ass rules. I’ve always been a loud mouth and a bit of a smart ass and always questioned things. The church elders did not like that! Shame on me!
Okay. Fast forward - I get knocked up at 19 by another fellow Dutch Christian boy, as previously mentioned. We have shot gun wedding. He didn’t even sleep with me on our wedding night but rather told me he wasn’t even sure he loved me. That felt great. But silly me, what were my options?! If only I knew. Fast forward 7 years later, a life of misery and vanilla sex and me always wondering what was out in the world for real (and if any dudes out there actually fucked doggy style cause he told me it was disrespectful) I left him. But I still had my precious, amazing two young boys.
I was free. Kinda. So I thought! But that’s when the abuse of his angry terrible behaviour started. The cruelty spoken about me to my poor young children. No matter all the work and love I put into my family over all those years counted for nothing. Cause he was butt hurt.
Thus begins my new life, new house, 50/50 custody, angry scornful drop offs and pick ups and awkward child hockey games. Oh! And no child support, none of his pension, and no spousal support. Why? Cause I didn’t have a voice, I was a “bad” girl and his Christian father told me that if I dare ever try to get money from him I’ll be struck by lightning. I mean maybe God and him were in cahoots or he was just being a hypocritical asshole (but a Christian asshole mind you! Those are the best kinds.)
I start escorting. Plain and simple. All while managing two kids AND working my job as a pension administrator. I don’t even think I slept.
Okay we all know this part, but the escorting really takes off and I become independent and get to quit my finance job because I just love escorting way too damn much. That’s when my freedom started! I was my own boss. I was now more present for my children. And I was kicking ass! I was in my element. Year after year goes by, many amazing clients later, adventures and trips and me feeling confident enough to show my face (at this point my family knows) - and life as I know it suddenly stops.
HOLD THE PHONE - I need to go back to something before I continue. My family knows. My Christian religious family, and police officer father. They. Know. I’m. An. Escort. And. Still. Love. Me. YES! It’s possible! After I got knocked up I think my Dad realized that you can protect and shelter your kids as much as you want, but kids are going to be kids! And horny sheltered daughters are going to jump on those Christian boys dicks. Haha. I mean, my first thought was to tell them I fell on his penis and got pregnant, but my Dad is pretty smart and used to people lying to him constantly. So my family left the church and thus began their new, free, non judging life!
I need to rewind a bit before I get to the part of life as I knew it crumbling around me. I had many people comment to me that I was sharing too much of Cassandra Cox on twitter. My face. Etc. But once my family and friends knew I felt so empowered and grateful to have the support of my loved ones.
Where I faltered was, I didn’t think my ex husband would ever find out. I was naive. I knew he lived a simple life, there was no way he would ever know or suspect me to be an escort. I mean, maybe I was the naive one really to think he wasn’t looking at those sites. Regardless - my worst nightmare happened. And my world came crumbling down.
April 2019 I’m driving into my new luxury condo that I work from as my incall. I get a phone call from an unknown number. Check the voicemail. It’s childrens aid society asking me to call them back. I have never, ever been involved with them. I have always taken the utmost care of my children and they are happy loving boys. I legit live my life for them. I listen to her voice mail about three times as I’m pulled over. I’m shaking. I had no idea what they could be calling about. I arrive to my condo and call the lady back.
It’s at this point she informs me that there has been a serious complaint against my parenting. I asked her what about. She said my career choices and emotional harm to the children. I ask her to elaborate. And in typical, rude fashion she bluntly says “I am talking about your career as an escort and the damage it could cause to your children And your ability to parent”. Who made the claim? My lovely ex husband. She questions me a bit asking very detailed questions and I stop her in her track immediately and make sure she knows a VERY important fact. MY CHILDREN DO NOT KNOW WHAT I DO! and to be honest, knowing she had to interview them on my parenting, I made sure she promised me that along this investigation, that they NEVER find out. So. My ex husband claimed I was causing emotional harm to my kids due to my escorting. Escorting they never knew of. EMOTIONAL. HARM. COME ON! I never have had a client around them. My kids see me at my other business I own, and they see me making them delicious meals, driving them to baseball and hockey, and being a perfect Mama. They also see me buying them anything they need. Giving them nightly cuddles. And me walking around in my puppy dog housecoat with a sumo wrestler bun in my hair and no makeup. Anytime I’ve gone out and put on makeup and dress up they ask what the occasion is. Haha! Cause all they know me as silly Mommy whose hair is messy and wears grubby clothing and has double chins. (Yes my son constantly informs me of my imperfections. In a cute way). They don’t even think I own lingerie. Bra? No way.
Anyways. CAS lady and I make arrangements for her to meet me without kids present at my incall and my actual home. Legit the days leading up to it I’m petrified. I never ever had a panic attack before and I experienced my first where I called an ambulance actually thinking I was having a heart attack. I remember I was even hallucinating (no, no drugs!) and I was sweating and heating up so badly I started rubbing freezies on tits and chest. When the paramedics show up, I’m standing outside, my white shirt soaked in water and blue freezies me clutching to the railing hyperventilating asking them to please help me and screaming that I didn’t want to die. I had no idea how hard this would effect me. What also was affecting me was my ex husband started making it well known to everyone, his family, friends, my old work, his work, circles of friends from my life even. He had a great line. “Look at this whore. What kind of mother is this DISGUSTING. look at her. She’s an escort. She fucks men for money”. It gets worse. Daily he would tell my kids things like “pretty soon you’re going to find out something disgusting about your mother and you will never see her again”. I knew now it was getting worse worse and worse and I was getting afraid to go out in public. I deleted all my personal social media and Cassandra Twitter. I went into legit hiding. It was his mission to make sure everyone knew how filthy I was for being an escort.
I am going to condense how the children’s aid meeting went - it went well. After speaking to the kids separately with their Dad present and meeting me and seeing how I live my life, she told me she was closing the file and I was an amazing mother. Her only advice was to keep this part of my life always separate from the kids. And it always will be. I felt very empowered. I felt strong. I felt proud. I felt happy that she could see that being an escort was not a negative thing, it didn’t make me automatically bad. I saw another SP post on twitter recently “the stigma against my profession is far more damaging to me than the job itself”. (Sorry I forget which SP, just know I am in no way taking credit for that, I just held those words close to my heart).
The only thing that followed after this was me being more quiet and cautious. This was a huge blow to me. It wasn’t my ex husbands story to tell. It was mine. I would tell who I want. When I want. But he took that from me and turned it into humiliation and shame. In the weeks following that he actually ended up blowing up one day and telling my two boys what I do. So I gently sat them down and explained it way better than he did. But said it was private but if they do have questions to always ask me first. My youngest looked up at me and goes “that’s it? That’s what’s so bad? I thought you killed a person! Dad said you did something so bad but you didn’t!” SWEETHEART!
Things still haven’t been easy for me. I’m cautious of running into judging people that he told and exposed me too. Baseball games aren’t easy now cause not only do I have him glaring me, I have his parents shooting me death stares. I have him spew out disgusting names as I walk by or make a joke said loudly enough for me to hear about “500 an hour”. I hold my head held high. But it’s going to be a long journey to regain the confidence I had before this all happened, and to continue relying on the support of my amazing family, clients, and friends to get me through this. My only wish for him is that maybe he was able to enjoy my pictures I have online. KIDDING! (Kinda).
So. Not the most sexy blog here. But this explains my absence lately. And I will admit I ventured into some very dark places where some days it was really hard to pull through. I considered being an escort such an important part of my life. And it truly is and always will be a part of who I am. Now I start the healing process. But I also start living life to the fullest and getting more of that saucy Cassandra Cox back in my life. She’s pretty awesome. Haha. When he exposed me, he took that right away from me. My life. My story. My joy.
I will forever stand proud of being who I am. And my profession. Yes PROFESSION as a escort and companion. A proud Mom. I’m someone’s daughter, sister, friend and mother. I am a good person. With a sweet caring soul.
Thank you to all those who gave me encouraging messages and hope and love! To all SPs ever in this situation or if you have been through this? I see you. I get you. I got you! Let’s continue to keep our heads held high and not let the stigma define who we are. Ever.